


Snapshots

by thequadraticformula



Series: Murderer [3]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 02:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20987183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequadraticformula/pseuds/thequadraticformula
Summary: The murder of Momo has taken its toll on everyone.WARNING: Graphic depictions of death, mentions of suicide, depression, self harm and sexual references.





	1. Nayeon - The selfie

**Author's Note:**

> This work is crossposted on Wattpad and Asianfanfics under the user 'thequadraticformula'.  
DO NOT REPOST THIS WORK.

Nayeon pulled out her phone as she lay on her bed and began to flick through her photos. She didn't know why she started to do this. She just had the sudden urge to find a photo. A photo that she couldn't seem to conjure up in her mind. She had never felt this sort of urge before. It was as if something were tugging on her hair or taking her hand and telling her:  
"YOU NEED TO FIND IT."

The only problem was, that she had what seemed like thousands of photos saved, none of which poked out at her when she scrolled through. It would take her hours and hours to check every single one and find what she was looking for, and she didn't have enough patience for that. 

She scrolled and scrolled. She looked past hundreds of images and photos and videos, none of them catching her eye.

"What are you doing?" Jihyo asked as she walked into the room. It scared Nayeon and the phone almost flew out of her hands and onto the floor.

"Shit!" She exclaimed and clutched her thundering heart dramatically. "You scared me!"

Jihyo rolled her eyes and walked to her bed.

"You know we have practice soon." She said as she pulled something from underneath her pillow. She put it into her pocket quickly and then walked to the wardrobe to find what seemed to be a pair of pants. "You should get changed." She said and walked out of the room briskly.

Nayeon watched her leave and then lifted the phone back up. She froze when she saw the picture.

It was a selfie. A selfie with Momo. She had her arm around her tightly and their cheeks were pressed close together so that Momo's smile was pushed to one side of her face. Her eyes were turned to Nayeon in the image.

She remembered taking this selfie. They had been out shopping together.

\--  
"Hey Nayeon," Momo suddenly spoke and took Nayeon's hand. "Can we take a selfie?" She asked, her eyes turned toward the ground as if she had done something wrong and was afraid to confess. Nayeon laughed at the girl's silly expression and pulled her phone from the pocket of her jeans as she placed down the shopping.

"Here?" She asked and readied the camera. She looked around at the street and pulled down her face mask. Momo nodded and pulled her own down. 

"You're weird." Nayeon laughed again and pulled her friend close and raised the camera above them to get the best angle. She clicked the capture button a few times.

"There." She said. "Do you want me to send them to you once we get home?" Momo shook her head and replaced her mask and picked up her bags again.

"Just use it as a memory or something." She mumbled. Nayeon swore that she had seen a tear creep its way out of her eye. 

"Why did you want to take the selfie then?" She asked as the continued their journey down the street. Momo didn't answer.  
\--

That selfie was taken exactly a week before she was found dead. A week before she had been murdered two years ago.

Nayeon put the phone away and wiped her tears. It was time to practice.


	2. Jeongyeon - The video

Jeongyeon had been having trouble getting to sleep. She would lie awake for hours, tossing and turning until she would pass out from exhaustion. And when she did close her eyes, she would jerk awake within minutes.

No matter how many days it had been since she had found Momo lying dead in their room, she still had the same nightmare.

She would close her eyes and instantly be transported back in time. Back to the day she had decided to come home from promotions to check on her room mate instead of going to eat with the others. She would approach the door and a feeling of dread would settle over her. The walk through the dorms was agonisingly slow. The sound of her shoes hitting the floorboards would echo in her ears, clashing with the sound of her heartbeat. 

She would reach her bedroom. The one she shared with Momo.

"Hey Momoring!" She would call, her voice shaky because she knew for certain something was terribly wrong. "Momo! Are you alright in there? I'm gonna open the door."

Everything in her mind would scream at her to keep it shut. To stay out of that room. She knew what she would see when she walked in. She knew that this would cause the nightmare all over again.

But every single time, no matter how much her own mind screamed at her to stay out, Jeongyeon walked into that bedroom.

Momo was lying on the ground. There was a kitchen knife coated in blood lying dejected to the side. Her wrists... her wrists were slit. 

There was blood everywhere. 

She lay on the floor on her back as if she had fallen over. 

There was blood everywhere.

She was moving slightly and her eyes turned up toward Jeongyeon. They were filled with panic, regret, shame, sadness, longing, and fatigue. She was so, so pale. She moved her jaw as if to speak and Jeongyeon caught a glimpse of her gums. They were white. She had lost so much blood.

The worst part about it was that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't move as her room mate died slowly in front of her. No matter how much screaming and crying she did, Jeongyeon was stuck fast at the doorway, watching the blood seep out from Momo's wrists. No matter how many times she had this same nightmare, she would always end up watching Momo's eyes go blank and her body rot away.

Then she would wake up, sweaty and crying and alone.

She had thought this would go on forever, but only the other day has she found the only thing that seemed to get her to sleep.

It was a video. She had found it on her phone. It was taken a week before Momo was murdered.

\--  
"STOP VIDEOING ME! I'M TIRED AND I WANNA GO TO SLEEP!" Jeongyeon yelled and shuffled so that the covers were over her head.

"But you're so cute when you're falling asleep!" She voice behind the camera crooned and then giggled uncontrollably as Jeongyeon continued to squirm.

"Go AWAY MOMO!"

"Fine, fine." The voice said and turned the camera around to face them. Momo's smile looked strange beneath the tears that fell profusely from her eyes. 

Jeongyeon couldn't hear her at the time, but Momo had whispered one last thing to the camera before switching it off.

"I love you Jeongie."  
\--

After she watched the video a few times, Jeongyeon found that she could fall asleep with ease.


	3. Sana - The text message

Sana kept wanting to text Momo.

She would type things out like: You'll never guess what just happened! and then slowly delete them letter by letter, realising that nobody would ever read it.

To be honest, that was the only thing that still affected her after so long. Sana liked to think that she was the one who was doing the best out of all the members. She felt like two years was long enough to pull your shit together and get over it.

But Mina wasn't coping. She hid it well in public. She hid it well from the managers. She hid it well from the girls, but she couldn't hide from Sana.

In fact, it was now the opposite way around. Sana couldn't hide from Mina. She always found herself being dragged into the same bed as her. They would do things that you would never think that Mina would do. She would use Sana for hours and hours and no matter how much Sana tried to comfort her, no matter how hard she tried to get away, Mina wouldn't stop.

The situation with Mina had led Sana to accidentally text Momo one morning. She was lying underneath Mina's naked body and was scared to wake her, so instead of pushing her away and getting up, she reached to the floor and felt for her phone. She had placed it there last night before... this happened.

She opened her LINE chat and tapped Momo's icon. It was a picture of her when she was asleep. Sana had taken it one night and had used it to blackmail the girl for years.

She began to type.

Momo, you won't believe whats been going on with Mina! She just won't let up. No matter how much I tell her that she should just move on and live normally, she won't stop using me. I love her to pieces, but its making me feel a little bit stupid. How did I get into this situation? 

She pressed send. The message was not delivered. Then she realised that Momo's phone had been thrown out. 

She scrolled up to the last message that had been sent by her best friend.

MOMORING :)

Sana, please look after Minari. 

She gets upset easy. You know that. 

I love you!

That message had been read two years ago. On the day that they went to that fan meet without her.

It was weird. That day, before they had left, Momo had started to speak Japanese.

"I'm going to miss you all. Please look after each other." She had mumbled.

Sana thought it was strange later on. How did Momo know she would be murdered?


	4. Jihyo - The polaroid

Jihyo kept a polaroid under her pillow. She told nobody about it. Not a soul. Nobody knew that it existed except her. She didn't want anybody to know about it. If they knew, they would all think differently of her and that was what she was most afraid of.

It was her lucky charm. She took it to concerts concealed in her pocket. She took it to fan meets under the case of her phone. She kept it under her pillow so it would guarantee a good night's sleep. And she also took it to practice.

There were only ten minutes until the girls had a scheduled practice with the choreographer for their next comeback. They had been told the dance would be really hard this time around, and to Jihyo, that was cause to bring the polaroid along with her.

She rushed to the bedroom, hoping that nobody would be in there but she saw Nayeon laying down sideways, searching through her phone.

"What are you doing?" Jihyo asked as she walked into the room. Nayeon jumped and fumbled with her phone.

"Shit! You scared me!" She was so jumpy these days. Jihyo wondered what she was hiding. 

Jihyo walked to the bed and started to speak to distract Nayeon, hoping she wouldn't see the polaroid as she pulled it from underneath her pillow.

"You know we have practice soon." She said. She shoved it as quickly as possible into her pocket and went to the wardrobe to pretend to get a new pair of pants so that she wouldn't get suspicious. "You should get changed."

She walked quickly out of the room and stood in the hallway, checking first that nobody was coming that then pulling the polaroid from her pocket.

She smiled as she gazed at it. She let her fingers graze over the surface... over Momo's face. It was a picture they had taken together before debut. Momo didn't even have her bangs cut yet. She was a fresh trainee straight from Japan. 

Jihyo could remember struggling to understand the girl. She was terrible at Korean, but improved quickly.

You may wonder what was so wrong with a polaroid of Momo pre debut. Nothing weird about that... right?

The photo was a selfie as Momo kissed Jihyo on the lips. They had taken it under the grand piano. They had been really close back then. Really close. Nobody had known or suspected a thing, so much so that when they broke up, and everything was freshly wounded and painful to think of, nobody could draw any connections.

This polaroid was special to Jihyo and if anybody knew... especially Dahyun... if they knew they would hate her. 

When Jihyo had broken it off with Momo all those years ago, she had said one thing to her in response.

"You... YOU'RE ONE OF THE REASONS!"

She had never said anything like that to Jihyo ever again and they soon were back to being friends. Like nothing had ever happened.

If anybody knew that she had the polaroid, they would know that it was her fault that Momo was murdered.

She placed it back into her pocket feeling the tears on her cheeks and wiping them away before anyone could see.


	5. Mina - The voicemail

There was a voicemail that Mina liked to listen to. She really should have deleted it. It wasn't helping her mental state. She knew that. But she listened to it anyway. 

She had missed a call from Momo two years ago. On the day she was murdered.

"Mina, I forgot to ask you to say something to Dahyun." She paused and Mina could hear her breathing heavily. The sound of her best friend's voice was echoing endlessly in her mind. "Can you tell her that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever told her anything. I'm sorry I hurt her and tell her not to blame herself. That's very important Mina. You have to tell her not to blame herself ok?" There was another pause in which Momo breathed heavily. Then she choked out one last sentence. "Mina I love you too. Don't get too mad at her. Please. For me." She sobbed once and it was over.

Mina often wondered what she would have said to Momo if she had picked up the call, but her mind always came back blank.

Her heart hurt every time she listened to it. And then she would go to Sana and cry and try to forget herself and Momo with the pleasure.

"Mina please calm down!" Sana cried. But Mina's tears continued to fall and her body continued to ache as she moved Sana's hand between her legs.

"Please Mina." Sana begged, her own eyes filling with tears. "There are other ways to deal with sadness!" She yanked her hand away and enveloped Mina in an embrace.

Mina thought that her arms were warm. She leaned her head against her shoulder. She should apologise, but every time she did that, she just came back and did the same thing over and over again. It wasn't fair to apologise.

"Just talk me through it." Sana said. Her voice was calming and soothing.

"I still haven't told Dahyun." Mina mumbled.


	6. Chaeyoung - The drawing

Chaeyoung loved to draw. Everyone knew that. What they didn't realise is that her best drawings were only made when she was stressed or upset. The drawings that her fans and her friends would ogle over and praise were the ones that had kept her up at night in a fit of tears.

There was one drawing that Nayeon had gotten framed. It hung next to the television. It was about an A4 sheet size. She had drawn it with water colours. There were mostly blues and reds. The strokes were rough and wild. It didn't even look like anything to Chaeyoung. Just a spatter of paint and water on a piece of paper. Obviously Nayeon thought something of it. Chaeyoung could remember the day she had shown it to her.

"Oh my god." Nayeon said, her eyes wide as she stared at the painting. "How did you..." She looked up at Chaeyoung. She had tears in her eyes as she said very firmly: "We're framing it."

Chaeyoung only later found out why Nayeon had been so amazed by her smudging of paint. She said that she had looked at it, and she immediately understood what it was. She said she could relate to it in a way she couldn't understand. Chaeyoung guessed this is what artists aimed to do. To create a piece that people would resonate with. That people would look at and immediately understand what was going on.

Nayeon wasn't the only one who had this reaction. Momo had it too.

Actually, Momo was the first person she had shown the drawing to... well, the first person to stumble upon it.

Chaeyoung had painted it in the kitchen one night when she was stressed and feeling sick. She had a sore stomach and was feeling nauseous all day and all of a sudden at 2am, she decided to take out her watercolours and paint. 

The reds were the pain. The blues were the tears. Well, that's how she interpreted it.

Momo was awake that night too. She had stumbled into the kitchen, surprising Chaeyoung and causing the piece of art in front of her to be blown the the ground in front of Momo's bare feet.

"Sorry." She had said in a whisper and reached down to pick up the work. When she took a look, she frowned deeply. Then she opened and closed her mouth a few times. 

"Am I just dumb, or is that a painting of feelings?" She asked. Chaeyoung was taken aback. It's not that she actually thought Momo was dumb, it was just that she didn't expect the older girl to understand the mess of paint. She nodded slowly and Momo looked back down at the paper.

"It looks like mine." She mumbled. Then she handed it back. She walked to the fridge and pulled out a plate of cold jokbal. She cried as she picked some up and ate. "You're very good Chae." She said. "You should frame it."

She didn't frame it until she showed it to Nayeon. And that wasn't until a week after she died. She wished she could pull it down and burn it.


	7. Tzuyu - The post-it

There was something funny going on in the dorms. All the pictures of Momo that had been hung around, or any picture that had Momo in it was put face down, or turned away to a wall. It made Tzuyu upset because she liked to look at them and remember when Momo had been alive. 

She would go around the house every morning picking up group photographs or portraits and turning them over to face outward, and every night, they would be face down again.

This had been happening for more than two years and she still didn't know who was doing it. It could be Jeongyeon. She had been severely affected by Momo's death. Tzuyu knew that she could barely hear a mention of the girl and she would be in a panic. It could be Mina. Mina had changed into a completely different person. Tzuyu wouldn't be surprised if it had been her. It could even be Nayeon. She had taken the death worse that she would admit to anybody.

It got to the point where Tzuyu had started to ask the members.

"Nayeon, do you know who's been turning around those pictures?"

"Jihyo, what's going on with the pictures?"

"Jeongyeon... are you turning around the pictures?"

The answers were always the same.

"No." Nayeon mumbled and trudged away sadly. Tzuyu was worried about her.

"I have no idea." Jihyo sighed her head drooping as she fumbled with something in her back pocket.

"Why the fuck would I do that?" Jeongyeon sighed. "Leave me alone. I wanna get to sleep."

She asked everyone. It was no use.

She walked into her room to call it a night. She lay down on her bed, feeling her body relax into the mattress. Why couldn't everyone just move on? Was it that hard to remember Momo happily?

She looked to her left at the wall beside her bed at the post-it note collection she had made. Originally she had started it on a whim. She had needed to remember something for the next morning and the first thing she thought of to help her remember was writing in down on a post-it and sticking it to the wall.

It proved effective, and eventually the wall turned into a mess of colourful papers with reminders and messages to herself. She had been told countless times by Chaeyoung to take them down because they "looked ugly", but she never listened. She had grown attached to the paper filling her walls no matter how cluttered it got.

She hadn't looked at it in so long. She saw reminders from years and years ago. Little messages of encouragement to herself she had written when she had felt down and the occasional drawing. It was like a time capsule to the Tzuyu she had been so long ago. 

Then her eyes fell upon a white post-it. It was strange. She never used white post-its. It was partially concealed by a few reminders she had written in the past week to make sure that Dahyun was eating properly. For the first time since she had started the wall, Tzuyu peeled off a note, disturbing her wall to observe the foreign sticky note.

When she read it, she wondered why she hadn't seen it before.

Hi Chewy! 

This is just a reminder that Momo loves you! 

Please look after Dahyun. 

She might be really sad right now. 

Please give her a hug for me! 

Momo

Tzuyu looked at the time on her phone. It was past 10pm.

She looked over to Dahyun's bed. The girl who was in bed all day, seemed to be up at night once everyone else had laid down to sleep.

She checked to make sure that Chaeyoung was asleep before she slipped from beneath her covers and tiptoed to the door.

It was time to catch to culprit.


	8. Dahyun - The family portrait

Dahyun couldn't look at her face. Not without bursting into tears. Not without feeling immensely sick. Not without her head pounding and pounding and memories flooding her mind.

When Momo had first committed suicide and it was all still fresh in everyone's minds, Dahyun had basically been outcast from the group by everyone except Jihyo. Jihyo seemed to share the guilt of Momo's death with Dahyun even when she hadn't done anything. No matter how hard she tried to reconcile with the girls, they would ignore her completely. It was only Jihyo who would hold her and cry with her and listen to her.

So to not be an inconvenience or a roadblock in the dorms, Dahyun shut herself away in her room. Jihyo would visit her and make sure she ate, but nobody else payed her any attention.

It was only a few months after Momo's death that Tzuyu came around. She has sat with Dahyun during one of her frequent panic attacks. She had looked at her. She had talked to her. Just the thought of one of the girls acknowledging her made her body surge with joy.

She was able to rebuild her friendship with her quickly and Tzuyu forgave her. 

Nobody else did. Not for a very long time.

Once everyone had stopped pretending that Dahyun didn't exist, she felt comfortable coming out of her room. But there was always one problem.

There were so many photos hanging on the walls. Too many of them had her face in it.

At first she would bare with it and at night she would cry and try to hurt herself with a kitchen knife. She was never brave enough. She couldn't do it. So, she thought of a solution.

She walked through the dorm at night and every photograph with Momo in it would be turned around, so when she awoke in the morning, she wouldn't feel the gaze of the girl she had loved so much on her back as she ate breakfast...

It worked for a week. Then someone started to turn them around again.

It had been a constant war with the unknown person for two years. Dahyun would turn the pictures around in the night, and then they would be back to normal when she woke up. So tonight, she would win this war, once and for all.

She had a nice black permanent marker she bought from an expensive stationary store.

Within no time at all, Dahyun found herself in a flood of tears as she scribbled over Momo's face in every picture she could find.

She harshly moved the inky tip over her beautiful eyes. Over her bright smiles. Over her soft hair. There would be no trace of Momo when she was done. Just a big black smear. Just like the smear of blood she had left behind when she killed herself.

She picked up a family portrait. It was Twice at the beach. It brought back happy memories. But Momo was in the photo. 

Dahyun ran her fingers over her face. Then she uncapped the pen.

"I can't stand you." She said. 

Just before she was able to deface the frame, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She whipped her head around to see Tzuyu towering over her.

"I knew it was you."


	9. Momo - The letter

She stood alone in the centre of the room. She felt strangely calm. Very different to how she had been feeling for the past few years. 

She wondered what she would do in her last hour of life.

Maybe she would walk around the dorm and poke around in everyone's things. They wouldn't care after she was dead. Maybe she would go to the fridge and eat the rest of Tzuyu's pudding. She wouldn't care after she was dead. Maybe she could download some questionable videos onto the television and leave them playing. That might be funny. She could imagine her dead body lying there with the television blaring sex noises. What would they think of me then?

She thought of a lot of things that she could do in an hour, but decided to go to Dahyun's bed instead.

She stood in front of it for a while. Just standing there. Just looking. The sheets were still crumpled and her pyjamas were strewn across the mattress. They looked a bit like a dead body. Momo laughed at the coincidence. That would be her soon.

She soon found herself lying on the sheets. She ran her fingers over them gingerly and pulled the covers up to her nose. They smelt like her. 

There were so many memories in this bed. So many moments.

She lay there, motionless for a while. She wondered what Dahyun was doing right now. She wondered if she was worrying about her. She wondered if Dahyun even cared that Momo would kill herself. She wondered if anyone would care.

She was in a daze. She found her body in the kitchen. Tzuyu's pudding was gone in an instant.

She went to Jeongyeon's draws and stole that pair of shorts she had always wanted to wear and shoved them under her pillow.

Nobody would notice after she was dead.

There were ten minutes left. Momo looked at the clock on the wall and then the wave of anger hit her.

She hated herself. Suicide was selfish. She was pathetic for choosing such an option. Didn't she realise what this could do to the group? Wasn't she aware that she would hurt so many more than just herself?

She reached for the knife that had been in her back pocket. 

She wanted to hurt someone. She was so, so angry. But there was no body here to hurt.

The wave of anger passed as quickly as it came and was replaced with an intense anxiety. There were five minutes in which she could tie up any loose ends.

She found herself texting Sana. No reply.

So she left a small message to Tzuyu, and ripped a page from a notebook she had lying on the floor under her bed.

She had so much to say. But she couldn't put it into words.

All she wanted to say was: Don't blame yourself, Dahyun. Because she knew that the girl would beat herself up about this for the rest of her life.

She placed the note on the bed and took the knife in hand. 

The pain when she sliced through her wrists was riveting. A smile came to her lips when she felt her head reel with dizziness. 

She rang Mina. There was no reply. And she cried.

Jeongyeon found her lying on their bedroom floor only ten minutes later.

She watched Momo's life slip away right before her eyes.

The note she had left behind was short. Most of it had been scribbled out. 

Hi guys,

This may be a shock to all of you, and I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry.

I couldn't think of

I wish I could

I didn't

Please don't

Don't blame yourself, Dahyun.

I'm so sorry.

Momo

But Dahyun blamed herself.


	10. out

"I knew it was you." Tzuyu said, her grip on Dahyun's shoulder was firm. Her body trembled and the pen in her hand wavered above Momo's face in the photograph. She looked at Tzuyu's face. She was calm and expressionless like always, but she could see her eyes beginning to water.

"Please stop Dahyun-unnie." She whispered. "Give me the pen."

Dahyun felt Tzuyu let go of her shoulder and watched as she knelt beside her. She reached for the pen, and Dahyun let her take it away. She looked back down at the unmarked photograph. Momo stared right back at her. She was smiling. Her eyes were happy too. How was it that she was able to lie so easily? She hated to look at her smiling face, knowing that on the inside she had been hurting. 

Tears forced their way to her eyes again. She felt her heart speed up unnaturally and her body break out in a cold sweat.

"Did you take your medication last night, Dahyun-unnie?" Tzuyu asked carefully. She capped the pen she had taken from Dahyun and put it carefully into the pocket of her dressing gown. She placed her hand on the older girl's back and rubbed slow circles. Jihyo did this whenever Dahyun was feeling stressed. 

Dahyun felt a wave of nausea come over her. She had been caught. She was the one who had been turning around the photos. And now she had ruined them. What would Tzuyu think of her?

But Tzuyu, no matter how upset she had been at the person who had defaced Momo so many times, could not be angry at Dahyun. She only felt intense sadness as she pulled the small girl into her arms and rocked her back and forth like Jihyo always did to her. 

She would always be woken up at around midnight by the screams. Then Jihyo would barge into the room as if on cue.

"Dahyunie, don't cry." Jihyo said. Tzuyu could hear her walk quickly to the other side of the room where Dahyun's bed lay. She peaked through her covers to see Jihyo climb into be with her and hold her tight, rubbing her back and rocking her from side to side.

"I just can't forget what I did to her." Dahyun said through broken sobs. Jihyo nodded. Tzuyu could see her own eyes start to water in the dim light coming from the hallway. 

"I just want to..." Dahyun started. She breathed hard a few times before continuing. "I just want to forget about her and move on. I want to pretend she never existed. I HATE HER!" Tzuyu felt the words hit her like a tonne of bricks.

"No you don't." She mumbled.

"YES I DO!" Dahyun cried. She looked into Tzuyu's eyes. Her face was drenched in tears. Her eyes were bloodshot. Her hair was unwashed and unbrushed. Her cheeks were sunken in and sallow. She looked crazy. And in that moment, Tzuyu realised something.

"I HATE HER SO MUCH!" Dahyun yelled. Her hands pulled at her own hair and she smashed a fist into the floor. "I WISH I HAD NEVER MET HER! I WANT HER OUT OF MY HEAD. OUT! OUT!"

Dahyun still blamed herself.


	11. Momo - The chance

Momo had never intended on falling in love. It was an accident that she wished had never happened and it all started when she met Kim Dahyun.

She wasn't very close with her in their trainee years, but there was always something about her that made Momo... feel.

At the time, she had almost gotten used to the mind numbing routines of a K-pop trainee. She had almost grown accustomed to the harsh criticisms and the verbal abuse that she couldn't fully understand yet. She had almost familiarised her self with the days and days she would go without food to reach a certain weight. She put on a fake face and feigned determination. She moved her entire consciousness and being into her dancing. She used it to clear, or rather, blur her mind to its dark thoughts.

People had admired her. Complimented her. She had even gotten picked to participate in a survival show with the chance of debuting.

She should have felt ecstatic. She should have laughed in glee and sung in joy. This was why she had flown all the way out to Korea. To follow her dreams and become an idol that the world would love. This is what she was born for, but she felt nothing.

Then she would look around her and find her eyes drawn to the girl with the colourful hair. She didn't really know her name at the time, nor did she have the confidence or the fluency in Korean to go up to her and ask, but she knew that she was the girl from the eagle dance video.

Sana had recommended that she watch it. 

Momo laughed when she watched it. She laughed every time. It never got old. 

It hurt to laugh. She hadn't laughed in what felt like years.

When they were cast on Sixteen together, they became closer. They talked a bit. They were friendly.

Then they debuted together. Before she knew it, Momo had fallen.

There was one moment, one brief moment after she had started her relationship with Dahyun where she thought she might have a chance... a chance to escape the endless tunnel of depression.

"Momo, I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She had said. Her eyes looked into Momo's so sincerely. In that split second, Momo felt entirely loved. She felt like someone, Dahyun, was digging a hole into the top of her tunnel and the sun from the outside world was slowly peaking through. In that one second, she erased all thoughts of death from her mind. She erased all the past hurt and all the pain she had bottled up and only saw Dahyun in front of her. Dahyun, the girl she truely loved and who truely loved her back.

In that second, Momo thought that maybe, just maybe, she would be able to live with herself if it was for this girl.

But it was only a second.

And then it was gone.

And no matter how hard Momo tried to help her... 

Dahyun still blamed herself.

It was all her fault.


End file.
